The Fear Factor......and I don't mean the game!

Well since the last time I wrote I have had time to reflect on a few other things that seem to prevail in the gay community. As well as the BDSM subculture of the gay community. I have come to realize that fear plays an indelible role in the gay experience. First there is the fear of being exposed as being gay. That can weigh heavily on an individual depending on their circumstances. The fear of rejection, which is universally felt by both straights and gays and is ten fold for a young gay teen. Once this fear has been put to rest, and for many that may take years, they then must deal with finding others that are gay. The fear of approaching the wrong person about it can be fatal if not destructive if it doesn't go well. That of course is the worse case scenario. Approaching someone that may be straight and homophobic could be a real problem. Once this fear is conquered, the fear and risk of getting your heart broken and hurt increases expotentually. That fear is then a thousand fold for someone that has had their heart broken once before. For the BDSM community it is a real fear given the emotional wall that many participants put up in the relationship from the start. The fear of being passed over or discarded like the trash seems to be a new reality within the BDSM community. Given that there is so much potentail fear in getting involved in a relationship, it is cause to wonder "Could our own perceived fears be what is holding the majority of gays from being in a happy healthy relationship?". Whether it is vanilla or BDSM? I think that perhaps it does. We have also had a new fear to add to the equation. The fear that for one to be gay it means an endless line of meaningless encounters and a life of dispare and depression. I think that it is up to the individual, but that that individual must have the proper tools to navigate this complex subject for both straights and gays. Our perceived fears are often worsethan the reality. If we can realize that, then we have a chance to grow and be happy. That being said, as always, if you have a comment or want to get in touch with me e-mail me at raven15@consolidated.net

Is there an Invisible Wall and what about Dorian Grey

Well it has been quite awhile since i have written anything. I had allot going on. But I am back and thought i would write about something that I have already touched on, but needs to be said again. It is the Dorian Grey affect. You remember Dorian Grey. He was the man that sold is soul to the devil to stay young. He had a portrait of himself and instead of aging, the portrait aged. I think that if that was available, may gays would definitely sign up for it. I know that our society is obsessed with youth, but never is it so worshipped, as i call it, as it is in the gay world or community. It is amazing to me the lengths that some people will go to stay youthful looking, knowing that it won't matter because the minute you tell someone your age and it is over forty, you done for. The Dom/sub/Daddy/boy/Master/slave relationship is fraught with this youth obsession. From both sides , it is a coveted thing to possess. Doms/Masters/Daddies are always on the prowl for a sub that is 18-30 when they are in their 50's and 60's. and the same goes for the sub/boy/slave. They want a Dom that l;ooks like he stepped out of a porno and isn't more than 45 at the most. Then these same people that won't consider anyone close to their age, wonder why their relationships don't work out. Could it be because they are both from so far opposite sides of the compatibility spectrum that they are doomed to a short lived if ever existing relationship? I mean, lets face it. What does a twenty year old have in common with a 50 or 60 year old, other than being opposite roles when having sex. I mean how close can you get to someone that you don't have any similair interests other than sex. Don't get me wrong, wi i love sex, but, it isn't anything to base a relationship on. This dynamic allows each party to function without having to have any feelings for the person and including them as part of themselves oir their "family" as it were. That brings me to the other topic in the title. The invisible wall. I don't know who wants that wall there more, the Dom or the sub. Perhaps it is there so that neither partner has to get to know the other person which would make them care for the person as a person as opposed to an object of gratification without feelings. I think this may be something that should be explored more closely. I mean, as long as that wall is there then you don't have to become vunerable or have to feel anything for the other person. That, in turn, leads the person to believe that the other doesn't have any feelings for them beyond their mutual sexual satisfaction. Since when is it healthy to have a relationship almost completely void of feelings between the two individuals. If this is what is behind this, then we need to re-examine our priorities as they relate to ourselves. i know that I don't want that kind of relationship and most wouldn't either. Or so they profess to the world that they don't but enter into one over and over again. i personally think that men 40-60 are very very sexy. This isn't because I am 45 but I have always been attracted to them since I was younger. But not just sexually but mentally. The ability to talk about a subject that they are familair with and that I love is very important to me. I also want to be able to talk to them about things that I am familair with and they love. Let's face it, if the only place that you and the other person have in common is the bed, then you could have a real meaningful relationship with the produce department at your local grocery store. Well i have ranted long enough. I may touch on this subject again but enough is enough for now. As usual, if you have a comment or think you might want to get to know me bettter you can e-mail me at raven15@consolidated.net. Until next, Have a GREAT Day!