The Fear Factor......and I don't mean the game!

Well since the last time I wrote I have had time to reflect on a few other things that seem to prevail in the gay community. As well as the BDSM subculture of the gay community. I have come to realize that fear plays an indelible role in the gay experience. First there is the fear of being exposed as being gay. That can weigh heavily on an individual depending on their circumstances. The fear of rejection, which is universally felt by both straights and gays and is ten fold for a young gay teen. Once this fear has been put to rest, and for many that may take years, they then must deal with finding others that are gay. The fear of approaching the wrong person about it can be fatal if not destructive if it doesn't go well. That of course is the worse case scenario. Approaching someone that may be straight and homophobic could be a real problem. Once this fear is conquered, the fear and risk of getting your heart broken and hurt increases expotentually. That fear is then a thousand fold for someone that has had their heart broken once before. For the BDSM community it is a real fear given the emotional wall that many participants put up in the relationship from the start. The fear of being passed over or discarded like the trash seems to be a new reality within the BDSM community. Given that there is so much potentail fear in getting involved in a relationship, it is cause to wonder "Could our own perceived fears be what is holding the majority of gays from being in a happy healthy relationship?". Whether it is vanilla or BDSM? I think that perhaps it does. We have also had a new fear to add to the equation. The fear that for one to be gay it means an endless line of meaningless encounters and a life of dispare and depression. I think that it is up to the individual, but that that individual must have the proper tools to navigate this complex subject for both straights and gays. Our perceived fears are often worsethan the reality. If we can realize that, then we have a chance to grow and be happy. That being said, as always, if you have a comment or want to get in touch with me e-mail me at raven15@consolidated.net