The Image In the Mirror is Cracked

I know that this entry isn't about the Dom/sub relationship but it goes to the substance of both.I have heard this complaint from both those in the chat rooms as well as in the real world. It is about the dating sites and the fraud that is perpetually riddle through out the internet world. This goes for straight as well as gay sites. Often times one of the most frequented "requirements" that seem to be in every profile is- they are looking for someone who is honest. The problem with that requirement is that the person placing the profile needs to be the same as what they are looking for. I mean there is something to be said when the profile stats match the picture but the picture is obviously twenty years old. The hair, the clothes, all are indicators of the age of the photograph. Don't be giving stats they were relevant twenty years ago, and have nothing to do with today. Then wonder why the person they met was't interested in having a relationship. The same individuals who scream the loudest that they can't find an honest man, are themselves dishonest.
Perhaps it isn't as prevalent in the straight world as it is in the gay world, but there are also alot of people on the net that are HIV+ but don't tell you, yet they want "absolute honesty" in the relationship. How honest can the relationship be when you are starting off with a lie about yourself to begin with. The problem with this dishonesty is the danger they present to the person they declare their undying love for. If they love them so much, why don't they tell people upfront that they are HIV+. It is as if there is something to be ashamed of by being HIV+. Several of my friends say they are at a loss when one of their HIV+ friends comes to them and tells them with extreme excitement about some man that they have met, only to find out they didn't divulge their health status. They are fearful as well of the rejection that may be coming when the man finds out. If only they were honest to begin with and then their excitement can be shared when they find out that the man is ok with it. After all, in this day and age and with all our education being what it is , there are certainly ways to be intimate without sacrificing our health. Now before you get all bent out of shape about what I just said, no I am not prejudice against people with HIV.I am, however, prejudiced against liars and possible malice of forethought.
The fear of rejection does make us act very weird at times. We tend to do things that we shouldn't or wouldn't do otherwise. Many times, to our own detriment, it is our own self prejudice that makes us act this way. Part of human development is loving ones self and accepting of life on life's terms. That doesn't mean you just lay there and "take it" as it were. But denying what make us who we are is not the answer. Once the lie, whatever it is, is exposed the trust goes out the window. Without trust there can be no real intimacy. Trust is what make intimacy so important in life. It is the being of oneself with all the flaws and still have love for the other person. That is the real test of a relationship. If one can find that kind of trust, then one has nirvana.
well as always if you have a comment or and entry idea you want me to expand on write me at raven15@consolidated.net Until next time, take care

There Are Plenty of Fish in The Sea......But Please Don't Use a Troutline!

Well I have to say that things between me and the interested SIR are progressing nicely. We have Video chatted everyday and I am finding out more and more about him that is amazing. But this chat is about something that I have noticed in the chat rooms. It also applies to the straight world as well as the gay one. It is a phenomanon that is something I think needs to be addressed. I have seen and have known several men in the chat rooms that have a plethera of men on as string like a fisherman and a trout-line. That isn't what Jesus had in mind when He said to be "Fishers of men". They seem to flirt and make pseudo expressions of dying love in the room but really are just afraid to commit to anyone. They say the right thing and do everything like they are going to follow through and meet the Dom or sub and then never quite seem to be able to. I mean, they go so far as to exchange phone numbers and may even call and receive a call from an interested person. Someone that they have led to believe that they are going to be the "One" that is different from all the flakes. The problem is they are one of the flakes, fakes, and liars to begin with. Many times that isn't their intention but works out that way. The fear of rejection and getting hurt is a very powerful thing and very emotional. Especially, when someone has been hurt before. That trust thing is a problem. It has led to the leading on of men and women for thousands of years and yet, we still wonder why. It amazes me the people that "WooHoo, and Slurp" at each other when someone enters the chat room like they are happy to see them, when all the while it is a guise to get their attention and hopefully get them interested in them. When the other is interested and pvts them and wants to exchange information they either do, never to put the information to use, or they find a reason they can't give it out. When that happens they are then amazed when the person goes after someone else and they actually do follow through and contact each other. The ones that are stringing the men along get offended and upset when that happens. They are the first to shout" FAKE" or "LIAR". Which brings me to another phenomanon.....the " I saw him first" syndrome. How dare the other person talk with the one they were interested in and exchange information! Yeah right, and they wonder why they are alone! Suddenly now that they are wanted by someone else they are wanting them and will try to do everything to get them. I really don't have time for someone like that. I know of a Dom who is like that and every one he is stringing along or may even have a one night stand with is his sub and he leads them along. It is sad really. It is also frustrating for the ones that are willing to exchange information and try and start a relationship, albeit a long distance one TO START. That is the key word. They are willing to start off apart but also are willing to work out a way to meet. Then, if it doesn't work out, they know they have done all that they can do and it was just kizmit that they didn't make a go of it. Well that is all I am going to say on the subject for now. As Always if you want to contact me or let me know your reaction to this entry, you can reach me at raven15@consolidated.net have a great day!

We all want Ken or G.I.Joe..............Remember Though, They are Made of Plastic

Oh the Superficiality of it all! I have noticed in all the chat rooms that I visit there is one reoccurring theme. People are all looking for the eye-candy man. I mean they all want the guy that is buff, muscular, and defined like a gay porno star, or Ken or G.I.Joe doll. It is , as if, anyone that is not model material is not capable of love or being loved. That if they don't look like they go on the cover of a magazine, then they can't appreciate the love that someone wants to give. Worse still, is the thought that they might have a good heart and soul. I'm being over dramatic but it is the truth of our world. And not just the gay world, but the straight one as well. When do we as humans get past the superficiality that grips us. The internet allows us to get to look into the soul of people more than in the past. We are more able to get to know what a person thinks and the way they are on the inside. Unfortunately, if they are working on themselves, both physically and mentally, we have a tendency to put them in the discard pile. Why? Because they haven't' reached their physical goals, and lets not look at the fact that they are working on it. We seem to forget that the package can always change but it is the ingredients that stay the same and mean the most. That makes the internet a double edge sword as well as a light into the real soul of a person. Let me see if I can explain. I have seen this scenario happen time and time again. Two people meet on the net in a chat room. They hit it off and seem that each is exactly what the other is looking for. Then one finds out that the other is over weight and has lost 20lbs but needs to lose say, 50 more. Suddenly as if by magic, they aren't what the other is looking for. Never mind the fact that the one loosing weight hasn't said they are going to stop trying, or that they are on a journey to a better being, they suddenly are dropped like a hot potato. To me that is like walking out in the middle of a movie. I mean this person is evolving and changing into a better human being, just like the plot of a movie evolves and changes. But unless you are willing to stick it out until the end, then you never know what happens. That is the problem with most situations on the net. No one wants to make the commitment to see the soul of a person when they have completed their journey in life. So many Doms will look at a sub that is working on themsleves as not worthy of a glance. But let us not forget the story of the ugly duckling we were told as a child. The point of that fairytale is to not just look at the way things are at the time but that they can change. It is being willing to evolve with those changes that truly extoll a man's character.The same can be said of subs. Often times they think that they have to have the drummer or Mandate model for a Dom/Top and don't look at what happens outside the bedroom and in the light of reality. And we have to remember that just as we want the Ken doll so does the doll. I mean what happens, if you get the G.I.Joe doll for a mate, and YOU gain some weight? Or God Forbid You get laid off, or have a medical emergency that leaves you slightly disabled? The Ken doll id made of plastic, will he be of the character to stick around? Will he have the ability to rise above an animal looking for a good looking mate? We are ever more moving away from our emotional selves and toward our physical selves. The problem with that is that the human psych needs an emotional relationship to be healthy. So whether you are a top or bottom, Dom or sub, Master or slave or a SIR and a boy, none of that matters if there isn't something of their inner self involved in the relationship. The unconditional kind of inner self involved in the relationship. It amazes me that the ones that say that the other is to fat for them or doesn't have the right job is the very ones that don't exercise and are working a menial job themselves. I am in the process of re-inventing myself, both physically and mentally. I am also opening myself up to different things and experiences. Not just doing what is safe and without risk but taking a chance and seeing what happens. We have to be careful though, of not falling victim to our own self-prejudices. That is all I'm saying. Well I will leave you now and as usual, if you want to comment or want to get intouch with me, feel free to do so. Raven15@consolidated.net until next time have a great day!

Romeo, Romeo, ....where for art thou Romeo?........Across the Country apparently!

Allot has happened since the last few entries. I will attempt to put the feelings and events in a cohesive form that will make this entry make sense. One of the aspects that makes a leather relationship so daunting, is the emotional factor or lack there of. I think the vast majority of these relationships are based one the mechanics of sex and the way it is made. What I mean is, you have people that are together because they like the reverse in the oppisite partner. The yin-yang of the dynamic. The give and take, but, I have noticed, not the emotional aspect or dynamic. Statistic show that a leather BDSM gay relationship lasts an average of 5yrs. I am looking for more than that. I want a lifetime relationship. One that I can grow with and learn from. I mean lets face it, allot of the people that you see on the chat rooms are fantasizers that never plan on acting on their desires and being themselves, but rather what they think others feel that they should be. Because of this fantasizing, there is the misconception that the relationship will be a 24/7 leather porn movie. But the reality is, Life gets in the way of that. You have to earn a living and pay bills, and there are family issues and job promotions etc.... You get the idea. And because of that there needs to be a relationship based on emotions and then sex. Not the other way around. For some reason in both the str8 world as well as the gay world, there is a misconception that if you have sex first to see if you are compatible sexually then you will be compatible in other areas of the relationship. Or that you will learn to love each other and work it out. That isn't always the case. I mention this to say that I am seeking the spiritual and emotional connection first and let the sex be an expression of that love and emotion. It seems that I am not alone in this endeavor. It seems that it was me on that balcony looking for Romeo so that I would have that love connection and yearning for another in my heart. It seems I have found him, but getting together will be the strife involved in this relationship. Let me explain.
I have seen a certain Leather Dom/Master/SIR in the chat room that I visit often and didn't really think of him as the answer to my quest. We have chatted quite a bit but as always assumptions got the better of us, or me anyways. You see I thought he was a SIR that was looking for someone younger than I, like the vast majority that are looking for a 20-35yo. sub.
And I am not sure but I think he thought I was looking for someone younger than he. Age to me is just a number and doesn't determine a persons sexiness or eligibility as a mate. He is 15yrs older than I. I am more interested in the emotional and spiritual aspect of a relationshipo than the physical. Don't get me wrong, it is important, but not the number one thing. As I have said before, if I was just interested in the physical and how big they were and getting off, I could have a real meaningful relationshipo with the produce department of the local grocery store! This Dom is the first to show sense and sensibility about getting together and forming a family. We have exchanged e-mails, telephone numbers and actual physical addresses so that we can write, call,mail, as well as e-mail each other and let each other into our heads and thoughts. Now if he just wasn't across the country from me!!!!!!!! He is someone that I respect and admire and know that things seem to be falling in place for us. He makes me happy and I look for him when ever I am going to be online with the hope of speaking to him. So far we have spoken everyday and I enjoy chatting with him. And I want more and instead of throwing my hands up and saying "it'll never work. we are to far apart." I am looking at what I have to do and come up with a plan of action for us to get together and see if this will really be it for me. I will keep you posted. He is a kind man but one that knows his mind and is on the same wavelength so far with me. He is based in reality and knows that behind closed doors there is a leather relationship and dynamic, but to the public we are as simple gay lovers. I love this idea. Well that is all I am going to say for now on the subject. as usual if you want to get in touch with me or have a comment, feel free to write or e-mail me at raven15@consolidated.net

Promises, Promises, ......That'll Be The Day

With the New Year comes alot of people that make promises and resolutions. Many you know, of course, will be and are expected to be broken. Lose 10 lbs.,Drink less alcohol, and work out more often seem to be the top ones that I can think of. Breaking these promises and resolutions has the impact of singularity attached to them. They only effect the person making the promises. That in itself isn't a big deal. But what about the ones that you make to another person? I'm talking about the ones that you make to another person that you will be there for them. I am not talking about something so serious as infidelity, but more so in the art of communication. In my last entry I talked about a man that had me pvt. him and call him on the phone. He assured me he was real and that he was a Dom/Master/SIR looking for a sub/slave/boy and that i should not doubt his sincerety in the matter. As if to prove this he and I exchanged IM services and added each other to our prospective contact lists. This particular service allows you to show others when you are online and available for chat. In the course of our conversation i assured him that every time that I came online I would make sure that he would be able to see that I was on and that I would be available for him to chat with. He, on the otherhand, assured me of the same and that anytime he saw me online he would chat with me one on one to get to know each other. Or so i thought. I have seen him several times in the reg chat room and said hello to him in a respectful sub manner. To which, I was ignored and then when I would make sure that he knew I was online with the chat service, he wouldn't contact me. Several times I would log onto the chat service expecting to chat with My prospective SIR, only to have him log off the minute that I log on. At first that can be something that happens as a matter of coincidence. Unfortunately that has happened all to often. If you aren't going to back up what you say to someone then don't say it at all. I mean why lie? and if you aren't interested enough in someone, then at least be as I am, and have the balls and be man enough to say "No thank you". Why is it that so many people on the net just lead people on. Doesn't matter if you are str8 or gay, it boils down to not having enough character or breeding to be civil and have manners. The fear of rejection can't keep you from having manners. I have found that several people i know are afraid to live life. You have to live life to have a life, otherwise, you are reacting to life and don't have a life. My word is my Honor. Therefore if I say I am going to do something I will do it. Where has all the honorable men gone?
Well I have been on my soap box enough for today. As usual. If you want to contact me or have any thoughts on the entry you can reach me at raven15@consolidated.net