Allot has happened since the last few entries. I will attempt to put the feelings and events in a cohesive form that will make this entry make sense. One of the aspects that makes a leather relationship so daunting, is the emotional factor or lack there of. I think the vast majority of these relationships are based one the mechanics of sex and the way it is made. What I mean is, you have people that are together because they like the reverse in the oppisite partner. The yin-yang of the dynamic. The give and take, but, I have noticed, not the emotional aspect or dynamic. Statistic show that a leather BDSM gay relationship lasts an average of 5yrs. I am looking for more than that. I want a lifetime relationship. One that I can grow with and learn from. I mean lets face it, allot of the people that you see on the chat rooms are fantasizers that never plan on acting on their desires and being themselves, but rather what they think others feel that they should be. Because of this fantasizing, there is the misconception that the relationship will be a 24/7 leather porn movie. But the reality is, Life gets in the way of that. You have to earn a living and pay bills, and there are family issues and job promotions etc.... You get the idea. And because of that there needs to be a relationship based on emotions and then sex. Not the other way around. For some reason in both the str8 world as well as the gay world, there is a misconception that if you have sex first to see if you are compatible sexually then you will be compatible in other areas of the relationship. Or that you will learn to love each other and work it out. That isn't always the case. I mention this to say that I am seeking the spiritual and emotional connection first and let the sex be an expression of that love and emotion. It seems that I am not alone in this endeavor. It seems that it was me on that balcony looking for Romeo so that I would have that love connection and yearning for another in my heart. It seems I have found him, but getting together will be the strife involved in this relationship. Let me explain.
I have seen a certain Leather Dom/Master/SIR in the chat room that I visit often and didn't really think of him as the answer to my quest. We have chatted quite a bit but as always assumptions got the better of us, or me anyways. You see I thought he was a SIR that was looking for someone younger than I, like the vast majority that are looking for a 20-35yo. sub.
And I am not sure but I think he thought I was looking for someone younger than he. Age to me is just a number and doesn't determine a persons sexiness or eligibility as a mate. He is 15yrs older than I. I am more interested in the emotional and spiritual aspect of a relationshipo than the physical. Don't get me wrong, it is important, but not the number one thing. As I have said before, if I was just interested in the physical and how big they were and getting off, I could have a real meaningful relationshipo with the produce department of the local grocery store! This Dom is the first to show sense and sensibility about getting together and forming a family. We have exchanged e-mails, telephone numbers and actual physical addresses so that we can write, call,mail, as well as e-mail each other and let each other into our heads and thoughts. Now if he just wasn't across the country from me!!!!!!!! He is someone that I respect and admire and know that things seem to be falling in place for us. He makes me happy and I look for him when ever I am going to be online with the hope of speaking to him. So far we have spoken everyday and I enjoy chatting with him. And I want more and instead of throwing my hands up and saying "it'll never work. we are to far apart." I am looking at what I have to do and come up with a plan of action for us to get together and see if this will really be it for me. I will keep you posted. He is a kind man but one that knows his mind and is on the same wavelength so far with me. He is based in reality and knows that behind closed doors there is a leather relationship and dynamic, but to the public we are as simple gay lovers. I love this idea. Well that is all I am going to say for now on the subject. as usual if you want to get in touch with me or have a comment, feel free to write or e-mail me at raven15@consolidated.net
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