Lions, and Tigers and Bears! Oh My!

It has been awhile since i last added an entry. I wish that I could say it was because I had found my Master but I can't. It has just been simply a matter of life getting in the way. I have still done alot of talking with Masters/Doms and slave/subs about the things going on in the community and the complaints and issues logged in by each. There seems quite abit of concern over something that is prevelant in the M/s and D/s community. It is the overwhelming sense of fear associated with such a relationship. It permeates the very core of any human being and on different levels making it a complicated issue that needs to be addressed.
One of the biggest cases of fear that has to be overcome is the self-imposed fear. This is the fear that is experienced by both straight and gay people everywhere. It is the fear everyone goes through when coming into your own. The cutting of the apron strings and the safety zone that family dependence provides. One of the biggest anxieties of the human condition evolves around the issue of change. It is feared and many times the fear is worse than the actual change. There is a certain amount of comfort in knowing that should you fail or fall your family will be there to help. Unfortunately that isn't always the case within the gay community much less the M/s or D/s community. When we go through our teens into adulthood, we already have the fear of rejection from our peers. Compound that with the knowledge that you are gay and that isn't something that is accepted very well in society and the fear is felt a thousand fold. Then the thought of coming out to your parents becomes unthinkable. I think this when the art of game playing and deciet in training comes in by the gay community. What I mean by that, is the fact that many of us start out our "adult" life living two of them. The one we show our family and friends for fear of rejection and the one that we are compelled to live because of the way we were made. I think practice of living a double life makes the game playing by both the Doms and subs become an intergral part of the sense of what it is suppossed to be, to be gay. As a result there is alot of game playing on both sides of the fence. This fear of rejection is very deep within us and something we need to work on as a community. Both the gay community and the Dom/sub community. It is this fear that makes it so hard on us to be accepting of the fact that we are gay to begin with. One reason I think is the lack of good examples of what it means to be gay and to go one step further, a gay BDSM person.
The insanity fear. Once we get past the fear of and acceptence of the fact that one is gay comes the fear about if you are mentally or emotionally unstable because of the need to be in a BDSM or Dom/sub relationship. For centuries, Society at large has said that being gay means that you are crazy or insane and sick. Then they add that you are especially sick and not mentally stable if you are in a leather relationship. Let's face it, unfortunately, whenever the gay comminity has been depicted in the media, it is always the leather community that gets the focus. Trying to re-enforce the belief that they are the ultimate gay sick individuals.
The fear is that you have to take responsibility for being a Dom or sub. For the sub, the fear is very real about being hurt in the leather relationship that they crave. Not only physically hurt, but emotionally as well. It is also the fear that the family will find out and disown us. The fear, unfortunately, is substantiated by the past actions experienced or known to exist in the past. The sub fears about how much control will be taken as oppossed to how much is given. There is also a real fear on the side of the sub to be responsible for anothers happiness as well as their own. The pleasure a sub gets from serving can be a daunting task because he must also give pleasure and happiness to another human being. Making sure that you give impecable service to a Master/Dom can be of great concern to a true sub. It is a responsibility that shouldn't be taken lightly. It is also a fear that there will be no emotions exchanged between a Dom/sub, especially in the leather BDSM community. Many times the sub is afraid that if they show emotions to the Dom, it will percieved as being needy, and not in a good way. They fear they will be put out on the street after making the sacrifice of moving accross country to be with a Man and serve him. The fear of totally submitting everything, Body, mind, and soul and for some financially can be a scary thought to a sub.
For the dom there is the real fear about taking care of a sub and all that it means. From what I have heard from some Masters, they are afraid to invest anytime or emotion into a sub/slave for fear they will move on after a short period. These are valid fears on both sides of a dom/sub relationship. Many Masters are afraid to show that they care and love their sub for fear they will percieve it as weakness and they will lose control. That they won't be percieved as "manly or dominate" enough and the sub will look else where. Another fear that I have heard about is the fear that the sub is only there for material gain and nothing else. Once again it is the game playing we become accustomed to when we are first comiong to terms with ourselves and being gay as i mentioned earlier.
What is a Dom or sub to do? For one thing, we need to learn to trust ourselves to be the person that we are and accept that. For a sub, that means that serving doesn't make you less of a man but more of one. Why? Because it shows the inner strength and high character it takes to be a sub. That you are a secure individual in who you are. This should serve as an example to other subs. It also means welcoming new young subs and look at them as charges and help guide them. Not look at them as potential Master stealers and give into insecurity about yourself. WE subs should let the new ones feel welcomed and give them a sense of belonging to a community that is sane and not the sick one that they have been taught to fear. Subs/slaves should also look out for each other as well and help make sure we are all safe. For the Masters and Doms it means not holding back in setting up what you want and expect in the relationship and exchange of power. It also means regulating if you will other Masters and rescue other slaves from serious harm. The was a time, they call it Old Gaurd, when the focus on the community was self regulation and enjoyment of the whole experience of the dom/sub relationship in the leather community. More Masters need to show maturity and realistic ways of viewing the Master/sub relationship and as such living it.Just as with subs, Masters should welcome and help mentor new Masters to the community. This shows to each other the pride and character that is necessary to be a good Master. The leather community can only improve if we take pride and responsibility for ourselves and what we are. The integrety of the leather community will be great improved if we all do these simple things and overcome our fears of the unknown.
Well that being said i will leave you. I know that I have rambled abit but it is only because i care about this community and what it means. as always, feel free to e-mail me at raven15@consolidated.net if you have any comment or are a Master that wants to chat